Reality

I submerge myself in a rainforest of illusions. Reality rejected, I take my foot and place it on the cool earth that paints my feet. The sun shines through the trees and projects shadows of ballet dancers which take my hand and guide me into my imagination. Through ignorance or just plain hope, I follow. I spin so my hair flies, my eyes close, my mouth smiles, and my body detaches itself from my soul and spirit. Free. Tears of joy, love and happiness fall on my warming cheeks and I laugh aloud, to no one but myself. I often am told I need my feet firm on the grounds on reality, but what grounds? The grounds of responsibility? Of adulthood? Of growing up? I shake my head and say, 'Why would I want to do a thing like that?'
I choose a place free from war and pain.
And when I fall asleep I am enveloped in this magical world where people love not just one person, but each other and the earth which provides them with nutrients and homes.
Does this reality exist? Maybe I am choosing one fragment of reality, one tiny jigsaw piece that doesn't need others to fit in. I reject the hegemonic forces which isolate me in reality, make me straighten my skirt and open my legs to progress in life. The societal expectations of building a life in a house with a picket fence and bay windows, of day dreaming about chores rather than of the adventures life can take you on.
In many ways, man made reality. It is only through society that the building blocks of reality are a dull red rather than array of colours from the palette of life. Man chose how our lives are to be. To be a child, to be educated, grow up, make money and a family, retire on a pittance and then die.
No, I will not enter this dictatorship. I am my own person.

So yes, I reject you, reality. I guess my eating disorder and other problems stem from this. But maybe my problem isn't food or self harm, but reality. I have a problem with reality. And like all problems, I will confront you with my head held high and flowers in my hair.