Its a wonderful life

I am so happy.
My life with the girl could not be more perfect, and our little boy is just so wonderful.
Things have fallen into place, and despite me trying to push it away earlier this year I have begun to accept I do deserve this.
I love her. I love my new house. Where I live... I have this thing about recovery and places.
Once I am ill in one place it continues to remind me of what I did, who I was, what the illness did to me.
And although I cannot run forever, moving to the countryside has given me freedom once again to re-invent myself. Not entirely, I like who I am. I do, not love, but like. But thats if I let myself be who I am, that is reading, writing, drawing, walking in the countryside, exploring, cooking, drinking wine and SMILING.
Today we went to the local christmas fair and I just felt content that this I where I live.
For once I feel I belong here. Maybe it is because it is the lesbian capital for the UK.... you wouldn't think so with how beautiful it is. Its set in the hillside, with a canal and river. And ducks (which I name, every single one). And there are other lesbian families here.
It reminds me that you can be who you want to be. But most importantly who you ARE, deep inside.
It shouldnt take a move to remind me this fact but it does.

I know that its the festive season, with so many challenges relating to mood and reflecting.
This year has been tough, one of the hardest of my life.
2 hospital admissions. A suicide attempt. Self-harm. Feeling lost.
But at the end of it I have this, and its a result of all of the above. All of the people who have been a part of the past year I cherish in one way or another, and I respect them. Although this year has been filled with a lot of upset, it has moved me and moulded me.

Next blog will be recovery focused. Talk of my inpatient treatment earlier this year.

Love to you all xxxx