Sun

In the 'Valley', the sun has come out.
It brings such a lightness to the world and fills your soul with light.
I feel lifted, enchanted, and in love with nature.
The snow, despite its beauty, it is a fleeting love. It makes the world bleak, cold, and it hides all the wonders of the world underneath a blanket of bright white.
It reminds me of a song in Thumbelina, 'once there was the sun':


Once there was the sunBright and warm and wonderfulJust like the love within my heartNow there's no more sunWinter has killed everythingAlthough it's dark DecemberForever I'll remember sun

Its beautiful. I love the sun and what it brings to me.

I am in the midsts of an episode of depression, and I am fighting the darkness this brings me.

I broke down yesterday, after weeks of not crying or showing emotion, I broke.

Once I break, I can't stop the floods of emotions it brings.

But waking up to the sun, well its just given me hope.

Things are very hard at the moment, and it seems my family do not understand everything that is going on and the responsibility I have on my shoulders. They have lived through so many experiences, and no matter how much they lecture, I have to live them as well. The good and the bad. And learn. I cannot grow if I do not live, make mistakes and learn.

The problem with recovery is once your weight is healthy, people assume you are 'cured'.

That you are now well, with no bad thoughts and no difficulties.

On the contrary, this part of recovery is the hardest as you are now trying to challenge thoughts.

My mind is still sick, its still a painting of dark blues, reds and greens. Its a splatter of darkness. And I am trying to start a new painting of bright colours, and its hard to move away from the paint brush I know and have used so often.

Life is a canvas, and it is hard when you can't control what the paintings is.

But you can, you can take control. Notice everything good in life and paint.

The sun has come. The light is here. And I feel like I can use this light within me, through adoring the world and realising that the world is magical, and it shows you this in the most unexpected ways and at times when you simply can't imagine hope to shine through.

I have hope. And that is all we need sometimes.

xxxx